54 Hilarious Judge Judy Quotes To Roll Your Eyes At

Judith Sheindlin is one of the most recognized names in North America’s “legal” system. When her show first aired in 1996, she quickly became recognized for her unapologetic nature and mostly positive personality. At the same time, she doesn’t hold back the punches when she hears the BS spewing out of people’s mouths.

The question on everyone’s mind is: Is the show fake? Answer: Yes. it is. This is merely a TV studio with any “court” findings to be non-binding. Awards from each judgement are paid by the TV show producers who have a fund on reserve for this very purpose.

Of course, this doesn’t take away from lessons that one can learn from her show. And it still doesn’t surprise us just how many truly dumb people exist in the world, either. Be prepared to roll your eyes many times.

Judge Judy’s show is now finishing in mid-2021 after a stellar 25-year and 25-season run. This gives us time to reflect on her courtroom antics with her many quotes about American values and ethics.

1. If you can share with the people who’ve been good to you, do it.

Judge Judy

2. I can’t stand stupid, and I can’t stand slow.

Judge Judy

3. I eat liars for breakfast.

Judge Judy

4. I’m an entertainer, and I’m paid as an entertainer.

Judge Judy

5. Don’t try to teach a pig to sing. It doesn’t work, and it annoys the pig.

Judge Judy

6. Women make a terrible mistake because they usually are so desperate to nest that they pick on schlubs and worthless pieces of trash that they pick up in a bar.

Judge Judy

7. I love the truth. If you don’t tell me the truth, you’re gonna be eating your shoes.

Judge Judy

8. Don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining.

Judge Judy

9. I don’t like to rule by committee. I like sort of an autocratic way of dealing with things.

Judge Judy

10. Number one – and I want you to emblaze this on your brain – you only have one chance to make a first impression.

Judge Judy

11. I never don’t have a good time. Even when I go to work with a cold or a sore throat, as soon as I hit the mark and walk out that door, everything else is gone, and I’m up.

Judge Judy

12. I don’t know where, or by whom, Judge Wapner was raised, but my parents taught me, when you don’t have something nice to say about someone, say nothing.

Judge Judy

13. I exercise, and I eat reasonably, and I don’t want to look at myself being out of shape. That would depress me.

Judge Judy

14. It’s nice to leave on top.

Judge Judy

15. I resent it when any part of the government refers to people who have money in the pejorative.

Judge Judy

16. I left family court for the vagaries of TV and said to myself, ‘Judy, what the hell are you thinking?’ It seems like only yesterday.

Judge Judy

17. I still love working. I still love being in the mix of things.

Judge Judy

18. They will find somebody younger, somebody funnier, somebody more engaged. As long as the court genre is viable, people are going to be looking for someone to knock me off of my perch.

Judge Judy

19. I think the fundamentals of America are strong.

Judge Judy

20. I eat morons like you for breakfast. You’re gonna be crying before this is over.

Judge Judy

21. Teach your daughters, teach your granddaughters, everybody has to have something that they’re good at where they can earn a living.

Judge Judy

22. I want first-time offenders to think of their appearance in my courtroom as the second-worst experience of their lives – circumcision being the first.

Judge Judy

23. I still think an Egg McMuffin is the best breakfast.

Judge Judy

24. I was an unremarkable student with passable looks and a direct personality.

Judge Judy

25. Who is interested in that? Who is interested in the warm and fuzzy? There’s enough warm and fuzzy on television.

Judge Judy

26. I was a grown-up when ‘celebrity’ happened. So I knew exactly what it was like to be in line at a restaurant and watch someone famous walk in and get a table immediately. I knew I didn’t like that; I don’t want to make somebody else feel the way I felt.

Judge Judy

27. I’m not a good interviewer.

Judge Judy

28. You lock your windows before you leave. You put on an alarm if you live in the country because you know that there are bad people out there. Well, in this Internet age, you know that there are bad people out there. And no matter what you do, those bad people are going to get into your house.

Judge Judy

29. I’ve had an absolutely magical run.

Judge Judy

30. I was in the family court for 25 years. And having started a second career, having a second act when you were 52 was something that I never thought would happen to me.

Judge Judy

31. I’m not sure whether it’s going to be the downfall of Rome – social media. There are too many secrets.

Judge Judy

32. Cameras should be the norm everywhere. It should be in every courtroom so that the proceedings are taken down and recorded just like stenography.

Judge Judy

33. I always say that when I see that needle start to go in the other direction, when people have had enough of me, I’m going to be smart enough to say goodbye. It’s such a joyous ride to be on top, and it takes away from that ride if you sort of ride it down.

Judge Judy

34. I knew that if I worked hard, I could have both – I could have a family, because that was important to me, and I could have a career.

Judge Judy

35. Not everything has to be a money-making operation. You do things sometimes because it makes you feel good.

Judge Judy

36. I deal with conflicts that irritate people and give them stress, like the dispute over a car payment. I can resolve those cases in a moment.

Judge Judy

37. Never let anyone or anything define your value or limit your dream.

Judge Judy

38. A period of detention in a chilly upstate facility can be a great attitude adjuster.

Judge Judy

39. Because of the world we live in, we lock the doors in our house when we go to sleep. If you live in an apartment, if you can, you get a building that has a doorman or security.

Judge Judy

40. Remember, a Trojan is more than a horse.

Judge Judy

41. People in the U.S. pay a great deal of money to support their judiciary, and they have an actual right to see how it functions.

Judge Judy

42. You don’t teach morals and ethics and empathy and kindness in the schools. You teach that at home, and children learn by example.

Judge Judy

43. Take your hands off your hips and stand up straight, like you’re in court.

Judge Judy

44. What keeps me going is those cases, maybe ten a year, where I can make a difference.

Judge Judy

45. My viewers are smart. They know I have a contract with a TV show and that I make a lot of money.

Judge Judy

46. So we want to free the women of America? You know what would free the women of America? Make men accept responsibility for birth control.

Judge Judy

47. This country has a wonderful spirit.

Judge Judy

48. When states and cities and our country say we’re going to tax the rich – and that word ‘rich’ or ‘wealthy’ doesn’t sound like it comes from success of hard work, but from something negative – I resent it.

Judge Judy

49. A combination of tenacity and luck brought me here today.

Judge Judy

50. Working parents bring a certain amount of guilt to their relationship with their children.

Judge Judy

51. When you can’t look at me in the eye and tell me the story, that means you’re lying.

Judge Judy

52. Women watch and say, ‘I like watching you control your own space. It’s motivated me to do better, to go back to college, to even try law school. My daughter’s been watching you since she’s 10 – I love the fact that she’s watching a strong woman who’s in control.’ All of those things are good, positive things.

Judge Judy

53. People from Brooklyn grow up with a certain common sense. If it doesn’t ring true, it’s not true.

Judge Judy

54. Nothing in my early childhood suggested to anyone – except maybe my father – that one day I would be standing here and be known simply as Judge Judy.

Judge Judy