38 Iconic Billy Madison Quotes Directly From The Movie

If you’re like us and love Adam Sandler’s comedy, then you’ve no doubt watched Billy Madison…likely more than once! It’s hard not to laugh at his antics. After almost thirty years, the film still remains one of the funniest of all time with non-stop hilarious dialogue and brilliantly cast characters we will never forget.

Billy Madison was released in 1995 and directed by Tamra Davis. The comedy film stars Adam Sandler as Billy Madison who also wrote the film with Tim Herlihy. The story follows the life of Billy Madison, a 27-year-old man who’s lived his entire life dependant on father Brian’s wealth. Given his affluence, Billy never had to work hard at anything.

You could say that he never had to ‘Execute’!

But then he’s thrown the ultimate curve-ball: Go through Kindergarten through to 12th grade. This is to show that he’s capable of proving his value in any situation.

Billy Madison made over $26.4 million worldwide, debuting at number one at the box office. Despite the mixed reviews from critics, everybody has seen the film and recited a line or two at some point.

Sandler’s uproarious character remains pure throughout the film, with consistent lines emerging to make anyone crack up and press rewind. His side-splitting humour has made Billy Madison an iconic film we will forever have memories of, with cherished lines to make us smile at any time of the day.

1. Sometimes I feel like an idiot. But I am an idiot, so it kinda works out.

Billy Madison

2. Remember that spelling bee you won in the first grade? Rock: r-o-k?

Brian Madison

3. Chlorophyll? More like bore-ophyll.

Billy Madison

4. Oh, Billy Billy boy. When are you gonna find whatever it is you’re looking for?

Brian Madison

5. T-T-T-Today junior!

Billy Madison

6. Back to school. Back to school, to prove to Dad that I’m not a fool. I got my lunch packed up, my boots tied tight, I hope I don’t get in a fight. Oh! Back to school… back to school… back to school. Well, here goes nothing.

Billy Madison

7. Ooh, that boy’s a fine piece of work all right. He’s a fine piece of ass though, too.

Jaunita

8. You were brought up with every advantage, I bought you everything. Toys, cars, vacations, clothes…

Brian Madison

9. I am the smartest man alive!

Billy Madison

10. What is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?

Old Lady

11. Of course I peed my pants, everyone my age pees their pants. It’s the coolest. Shampoo is better. I go on first and clean the hair. Conditioner is better. I leave the hair silky and smooth. Oh, really, fool? Really.

Billy Madison

12. High school is great. I mean I’m learning a lot. And all the kids are treating me very nice. It’s great.

Billy Madison

13. Mr. Madison, what you’ve just said is one of the most insanely idiotic things I have ever heard. At no point in your rambling, incoherent response were you even close to anything that could be considered a rational thought. Everyone in this room is now dumber for having listened to it. I award you no points, and may God have mercy on your soul.

The Principal

14. Kid can’t even read

Billy Madison

15. No, I will not make out with you. Did ya hear that? This girl wants to make out with me in the middle of class. You got Chlorophyll Man up there talking about God knows what and all she can talk about is making out with me. I’m here to learn, everybody, not to make out with you. Go on with the Chlorophyll.

Billy Madison

16. Well, “sorry” doesn’t put the Triscuit crackers in my stomach now, does it Karl?

Eric

17. Feel those kicks? He’s gonna be a soccer player. He is. He iiii-iissss!

Billy Madison

18. If you’re going to stay home today, you can help me shave my armpits.

Juanita

19. Have some more sloppy Joes. I made ’em extra sloppy for yous. I know how yous kids like ’em sloppy.

Lunch Lady

20. O’Doyle, I got a feeling your whole family’s going down. But right now, I gotta study.

Billy Madison

21. Tallahoo-hoo. Sabadoo.

Billy Madison

22. No milk will ever be our milk.

Veronica

23. The part of the story I don’t like is that the little boy gave up looking for Happy after an hour. He didn’t put posters up or anything, he just sat on the porch like a goon and waited. That little boy’s gotta think, “You got a pet. You got a responsibility.” If your dog is lost you don’t look for an hour then call it quits.

Billy Madison

24. It’s too damn hot for a penguin to be just walkin’ around here.

Billy Madison

25. If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.

Old Farm Lady

26. Stop looking at me, Swan!

Billy Madison

27. When I graduated from first grade, all my dad did was tell me to get a job.

Frank

28. I’ll turn this damn bus around! That’ll end your precious field trip pretty damn quick huh! Little shit!

Bus Driver

29. I hate cursive and I hate all of you!

Billy Madison

30. Go on with the chlorophyll.

Billy Madison

31. Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever say that. Stay here. Stay as long as you can.

Billy Madison

32. Hey I’m trying to score points with the teacher today.

Billy Madison

33. Couch. C-o-r- you going to the mall later?

Billy Madison

34. Who the hell is it? What do you want? Judas Priest, Barabara, it’s one of those flaming bags again.

Old Man Clemens

35. You fallin’ in love with the wall or somethin?

Billy Madison

36. Well I can think of three things I’d like to do. One would involve some ice cubes and a nine iron. Two would include a buffalo…

Billy Madison

37. Don’t tell me my business, devil woman!

Old Man Clemens

38. Hey kids, it’s me! I bet you thought that I was dead! But when I fell over I just broke my leg and got a hemorrhage in my head!

Billy Madison