How To Discover Your Why (So You Don’t Live Someone Else’s)

Don’t let fear of the unknown, force you to remain miserable in the now.

The power of discovering your “why” is like winning the lottery. It’s life changing. And it’s never going to be too late to find it. Or a waste of time. Especially considering the years you may have wasted without discovering it.

Most of us have no clue what we want to do with our lives, even when we are smack bang in the middle of it. Right now, in this moment, do you know what you want to do with your life? 

Yes. We are asking you now even though it’s likely you have finished school, studied, and have a secure job. Life sorted right? 

Let’s take a step back. Why did you choose to study what you did? Parents and teachers have a large influence on our college and university decisions, as well as what we are good at through school. Just because you are great at something, does not mean you are passionate about it. For some people, the more they do something, the more they come to despise it. 

As pattern continues, your career will quickly become centred around your education. Promotions and comfort can easily provide enough motivation for you to remain in your role, as the rest of your life fall to place. Initially. Until you realise your desire more more than paying the bills and having weekend’s free.

When you’ve not discovered your “why” you start feeling stuck. Feelings of anxiety and unfulfillment will begin to take over your life, leaving you overwhelmed and questioning why you do what you do. 

These are large indicators you are out of alignment with your own unique purpose – yet to be discovered. 

If you do nothing about it, you could end up spending your whole life living up to someone else’s “why” in the absence of your own. 

The Discovery of Why

So who decided we all needed a “why?”

The concept was first raised in 2009 by Simon Sinek, a British-American author and international speaker. His first book Start With Why was released in October 2009, the same year he popularized the concept in his first TED Talk. In the video, Simon discussed his discovery of remarkable patterns about how the greatest leaders and organizations think, act and communicate – starting with discovering their very own “why.” Simon said the whole concept of “why” is grounded in the tenets of the biology of human decision making. 

Knowing your “why” means understanding why you do the things you do. It’s the reason you do the things you do. The reason why you must. Your “why” is the purpose, cause or belief that drives you. It is your calling, your conviction, your mission statement. When you discover your “why,” you will become infused with passion for your goals and develop resilience as it becomes the core source of your motivation. 

What Is My “Why?”

We don’t know! If only it was as simple as completing a personality questionnaire or listing your top three hobbies. 

Everyone has a different reason for doing what they do. A deep motivation that fuelling their life in the grand scheme of things. When we narrow it down even further to what our inner values and beliefs are, there will be a different “why” for every one of us. 

You need to find and define your own “why” in life. If you keep questioning why you do the things you do, you will eventually find your own personal “why.”

You might first think of necessity, with consideration towards paying bills and supporting your family. “I work, because I need money.” This creates a strong sense of obligation and can make you forget about your own wants and desires. As long as you have a sense of security, you’ll believe you are doing just fine. This is an easy trap to fall into especially as beyond work, you are able embrace your family, friends, and everything around you. 

Security is a powerful thing! If you get caught up in the comfort, you are highly likely to cast your dreams and passions aside. You will become prone to wasting your time on futile endeavours. 

Finding Your “Why”

Are you ready for this? Ready to get deep into your conscious mind, and answer the question of why you do what you do? The first thing you should know is, if you’ve got no idea what your “why” is right now, you are not going to magically discover it in the next hour. 

Finding your “why” requires dedication, commitment and persistence. It could take weeks, months, even years. Don’t walk away with your hands in the air if you don’t have all the answers right now. Take the time to find them! This is the quality of the rest of your life we’re talking about.

The first step, if you aren’t already doing it is to practice self-awareness. Notice your own feelings, sensations, reactions, behaviours and thoughts. Keep your mind on the reality of your behaviour and not on the person you are trying to be. You might start to see patterns emerge such as feelings of anxiety during work meetings, enjoyment in one specific work task etc. Self-awareness can be brought to all aspects of life, not just your work day. How are you feeling about cooking dinner with your partner? Are you dreading going to the gym? 

Once you’ve mastered this, you can begin to delve into deeper areas of your life. Sift through the following things and use what you’ve learnt through self-awareness to come up with your responses.

Your values. Your core beliefs will guide your actions, behaviours and interactions with the world. 

Your motivations. These actions will compel you to express your “why.” It gets you excited to work without having to give into external pressures such as finances and other people’s expectations. Your motivation will lead to enjoyment and satisfaction. 

Your passions. What interests constantly leave you wanting more? If you’re passionate about something, you can’t stop thinking about it. Everybody who knows you, knows you are passionate about this and if you could spend more time on it, you absolutely would.

Your strengths. Your natural abilities, talents, skills and experience are all worth listing when it comes to finding your “why.” Overtime, these have become your natural tendencies for work and while you may not enjoy them right now, there’s a chance you could under different circumstances. You might uncover some shortcuts to achieving your why, using already acquired skills to get you where you know you were born to be.  

When You Think You’ve Got It

Hopefully, the steps we’ve listed to get you to discover your “why” will help you identify your own purpose and implement it in all areas of your life.

Lastly (we didn’t say this was going to be easy!) ask yourself the following questions when you think you’ve uncovered your why. Think deeply about each response, considering what you’ve already learnt about yourself through this process. You’re on the home stretch now!

1. What gets you excited?
2. Is there a problem of challenge which emotionally moves you to take action?
3. What kind of work would give you a sense of satisfaction or fulfilment? 
4. What aspect of your career have you enjoyed across all your past work experiences?
5. What kind of work feels effortless to you, but drives your curiosity to learn more? 

Finding your “why” is a great feeling you’ll only ever get once in life. That’s why it’s so important to make sure you’ve actually done it right. If your responses to these questions align with your “why” then congratulations! If they don’t, it’s worth going back over the process to come up with an alternate “why.” This is going to become the reason behind the rest of your life, so you must do it correctly or you’ll end up in that comfort zone which was so hard to leave in the first place.

What Do I Do With My “Why?”

Quit your job and make s#t happen! 

Think we’re joking? When you’ve discovered your “why,” the next step is to bring it to life. Why else would you discover it?

It won’t be easy for everyone, but if you continue to consider the end goal, you will remain persistent and driven by that motivation your “why” provides. There’s always going to be challenges, hurdles and objections but when there’s a “why” you’ll find ways to overcome all these things. 

You must continue to focus on your “why” and know from this day forward, and for the rest of your life, you will be doing what you do because you want to do it. Because it fulfils your deepest inner desire, inspired by your values, motivations, passions and strengths. There has been no stone left unturned in this process, only a series of beliefs and experiences which have led you to find this one specific reference for all your decisions and actions.

The reason for your life’s work.

People with a why are often seen as being unstoppable – that’s going to be you. You’ll become capable of shaping your life the way you want. Imagine never again questioning why you are getting up in the morning. 

Your “why” was determined for you and you alone. It’s up to you now, to make it happen.