How to Remove Toxic People From Your Life (Before It’s Too Late)

Just because you’re friends, doesn’t mean they aren’t actively opposed to making your life better. 

If you didn’t know it already, toxic people disguise themselves as being kind and well adjusted – despite being contagious, insidious and a massive drain on your time and happiness. They are also hard on your body, with studies showing people with more toxic relationships have a greater risk of heart disease. The most dangerous thing about them is they can hang around, unidentified and within our closest friendship circles for a lifetime if we let them.

At the very least, they will slow your progress in any or several aspects of your life. Where there is an opportunity to sabotage your attempts at self-improvements, they will take it. That’s why removing toxic people from your life is so critical, before it becomes too late and their behaviours have torn you down. What’s the point in a relationship that doesn’t add positivity or meaning to your life?

“If somebody is looking for a bin to throw all their trash into, make sure it’s not in your mind.”

Dalai Lama

Toxic people will take from our experiences more then they will add to them. They are dangerous to our inner peace and self-esteem. That’s why it’s important to learn how to identify them and remove them from your life so your happiness remains intact, along with your success.

Identifying A Toxic Person

Hint – they could be closer than you think. And the closer they are, the sooner they need to be removed. Whether it’s a manipulative boss, jealous friend or pessimistic cousin, unless you take action they will just keep showing up in your life. 

If you’re going to start digging around to identify toxic people within your friendship circles, you’ll need to know what to look for. The word “toxic” is used a lot these days and there are plenty of other personality traits which can be mistaken for toxic behaviour such as being difficult, demanding or just unpleasant at times. 

While these traits are not great, they aren’t toxic either. They are undesirable, and you can decide if you are ok with having these people in your life despite these characteristics. Perhaps you may just start spending less time with them.

Truly toxic people are the ones who suck the joy out of everything, play manipulative games and seem to get a kick out of any bad luck you experience. Their behaviour infects, spreads and takes over your life.

Toxic people will try to control you. If there’s a decision you need to make, they will make it and it’s likely it won’t be the right one. It will be made in their best interests, not yours as not only do they want to bring you down, they are self-centred. They will take anything and everything, without giving back.

Toxic people are dishonest and will lie to you and anyone else in order to get what they want or lift their own self-esteem. They insist they are right all the time and will make themselves the victim in any situation. They thrive off this, as it creates more power they will then use to continue to become inferior to you. Don’t expect any compliments from toxic people as they are incapable saying nice things to anyone but themselves.

These traits explain why toxic people will constantly lash out in resistance to change or feel insecure and threatened by your achievements.

So now that you know how to identify one, how many toxic people are in your life? Are you ready and willing to remove them? 

Why You Need To Remove Them

Any toxic relationship causes a strain on your life which has no end date – unless you give it one. These people have caused you to doubt yourself and defend your choices. They’ve made you feel angry, resentful, uncomfortable, miserable and ashamed of yourself. How much longer do you deserve to feel this way?

You might have identified some toxic people in your life and be reluctant to remove them. This is especially true if the person is within an inner circle of friends or in the workplace. If you’re thinking you will just avoid them or spend less time with them, this is only a short-term solution. It won’t make them any less toxic, but just reduce the frequency of the exposure. It’s effect however, will remain the same. 

The freedom you feel as soon as they are gone from your life, will put an end to the emotional exhaustion you’ve experienced as a result of their behaviour. If you continue to see the person you also run the risk of developing some of their toxic traits. It won’t be obvious to you, which is what makes toxic people so poisonous, and just one other reason they need to be removed from your life. 

How To Remove A Toxic Person

We didn’t say it would be easy. But you’ve heard the saying – short term pain for long term gain, right? It’s always difficult to cut ties with anyone in your life, yet alone someone who has been so involved in your existence. It can be hard to predict how resistant they will be also, when they discover what is happening. 

Throughout the process, it’s important to remind yourself why you are doing this. Write all the reasons down if you have to and refer to them at the challenging times where they may try to come back into your life. This will prepare you for remining firm and persistent in telling them to stay away.

The first thing you can do is distance yourself from the relationship. Start creating boundaries and spending time with other people. If there are regular activities you and your toxic friend participate in, do them with someone else. Starting slowly will allow you to notice positive effects it will have on you just from the small changes, and reinforce the reasons you are doing this – making it easier as you go on.

When they start questioning your distancing, this is the perfect opportunity to tell them how you feel. It shouldn’t be open for discussion, so keep it simple so you don’t end up in a huge debate. Don’t put their traits down but open up about how you feel when you are around them and the effect it’s had on you. If they start an argument, don’t be afraid to end the conversation. Run through what you need to say before you see one another, so you explain it as best as you can without saying the wrong thing or forgetting specific examples.

“Removing toxic people from your life will result you a happy life.”

Prativa Mahato

Think about the locations where you are having these conversations too! If it’s a long-standing friendship, in person is probably best. If you do it in a public place, you are much less likely to get a rise out of them and you can walk away any time. Toxic people can become hostile, and potentially violent at times so seize every opportunity to reduce the chances of this happening. 

If you really can’t imagine having the discussion in person, try writing a letter. This assures you will say everything you want to say with no interruptions. Be prepared for a response however, in the form of a letter or in person. Don’t be frightened to turn them away if they come to you with an argument. Remind them you have said all you need to say in the letter. 

One final step you need to take, is blocking them on social medial. Otherwise the toxic person will remain in your life, with knowledge of your movements and opportunity for bullying or intimidating you whenever they like. You need to enforce your boundaries by blocking all lines of communication. 

Can You Fix A Toxic Person?

You can’t control other people’s behaviours. It’s easy to assume through communication and examples you’ll get through to your friend. Even if they listen and slightly alter their behaviour, there is no guarantee it won’t return. And what about the damage already done?  Your focus should be on you, rather than trying to fix others around you who continue to bring negativity to your life. 

How Do You Keep A Toxic Person Away? 

If only all toxic people were able to listen and accept situations. They’re not. Some may, but there’s a good chance they won’t go easy. Especially after you remain absent the next little while and they start to notice how much they miss and value your friendship. It could lead to an apology however, this doesn’t mean their behaviour will change.

If it was hard to let them go in the first place, how do you think you will feel when you have to do it again? Use this opportunity to stand by your words and show the person they cannot overstep your boundaries. Compassion matters, but so do you. Put yourself first by thinking about the affect the person has had on your life, which you’ve tried so hard to put behind you. 

It’s Ok To Miss A Toxic Person

Any broken relationship is hard to recover from, regardless of the factors surrounding it. Even when people are bad to you or for you, it will hurt deeply to remove them from your life. You’ve just ended something which you were comfortable and familiar with. This person was toxic, but that doesn’t mean you don’t love them or care for them. 

Reflecting on your emotions is important. Allow yourself to miss the person and begin searching for ways to fill the void. Perhaps you have other friends or siblings you can turn to, or new hobbies to pursue. During this process you may uncover the toxic behaviour you were a victim too, with the realisation of what more is out there. 

Once you’re surrounded by new people who are happy and genuine, you will find that life gets easier as you start to feed of their energy. It will help with the grieving process as you notice the other benefits of removing them from your life such as increased confidence and less mood swings. 

One other thing which may help, is making up a list of the things you have lost since the relationship ended. A person who talked badly about you, used you, created drama, remained jealous, was manipulative and sought to control your life. How upset can you be now?

Realise The Benefits

It’s a whole new world.

“It’s amazing how quickly things can turn around when you remove toxic people from your life.”

– Robert Tew

Once you’ve ended a toxic relationship and conquered the grieving process, you’ll see significant changes occurring in your life. You’ll make more friends and connections, with people who are similar to you with like-minded goals, beliefs and passions. No doubt you’ll feel supported within your new relationships which come with no drama and positive vibes. Imagine looking forward to seeing these people with no concern regarding how their mood will be today, or how they will react to a recent decision you’ve made. 

When you let go of toxic people, you make room for the exact opposite. Happy people with integrity and genuine loyalty creating much more sustainable friendships for life. 

It could be one of the most loving things you will ever do for yourself. And something you won’t ever regret.